moving ...

ok my site has now moved to

http://www.deepintomyocean.webs.com

this blogspot will soon be deleted (not that anyone reads it though)

When i find you ...

the rushing, swirling wind
and the powerful, roaring seas
joined by the constant, battering rain
whipping off roofs, uprooting trees

the beautiful, fluffy clouds
joining a lovely, refreshing breeze
countryside stretching below
twittering birds and buzzing bees

that is where i find you Lord
in both your power and peace
i have no doubt about you then
that your love with ever cease

but when I'm lying here again
at the end of every day
sometimes i wonder where you are
...
you whisper "beside you, always to stay"

23.12.09

The rain ...

The splitter splatter and constant patter of the rain outside drew my numbed attention from the tedious work I'd been scribbling halfheartedly at. The sheer beauty of rain pulled me away from the half-filled dull paper and drew me to the window where i looked out on a world encased in drops.

I watched as they fell silently from the sky to make little pitter patter sounds different objects below. It was like music. Different pitches on different objects, some made small, almost inaudible twangs yet others made resounding clangs as the rain beat down upon them. All played by the best musician of all ... nature itself. Suddenly the drops started soaring down, faster and faster, harder and harder; soaking the dry, cracked earth, washing the dust from every crack, washing everything clean. Oh that it would wash me clean too! Wash all the work and stress from within me like it washes the dirt from every insignificant crack in every wall. That they would flow away like the turmulous wadis that crash and tumble away down the valleys, to sweep away everything negitive and crushing in my spirit.

Oh but i love the rain. There's something about it. It's full of contrasts. It's peaceful yet always causes chaos, it washes clean and fills up the parched land but never fills up the parched soul, it's weak in the little rounded drops that fall from the sky yet when accumilated in a river or wadi it can be a fierce Lion dragging away anything it it's path.



My mind drifted back to the present, to the world i was placed in, the world i live in now ... my life! Finally with all my regret i pulled myself sadly away from the window, the window into my paradise of dreaming, and sat down to that tedious work and those degected little pieces of paper. As i worked i still listened to the magical music of the pattering rain outside my window, calming me and ... always waiting for me.


22.12.09

Summertime memories

Written summer 2009: "Ahhh well i was bored so i sat on the bottom bunk staring out the window with the pad of paper infront of me. I thought of all my life that I'd left behind in Oman. It just seems more like a dream now. I tell people all about my life there and talk about my friends and school and all but the more i tell the further it seems away and the more it feels like a dream. The other day my mum asked if i remembered gonig to a certain place .... you know what?? I acctually thought i did but wasn't sure if it was a dream, memory or imagination! So this is for all you guys i love so much and miss ... "

Sand and dust
mountains and sea
big blue sky
accacia tree
busy roads
and dusty tracks
white mansion tall
little metal shack

but memories fade
they blur to grey
my life and home
are a world away

in my room
sitting at my desk
lying on my bed
what i loved best
in busy school
laughing with friends
sitting with him
work never ends

but memories fade
they blur to grey
my life and home
are a world away
they don't seem real
far and not near
but until i come home
I'll hold them dear

22.7.09

How i saw the world!

A blanket of endless black velvet stretches across the sky and muffles the earth; filling every nook and cranny with its soft, empowering darkness. Trees become looming black giants against the silky horizon; ever shifting their tangled and spindly limbs in the cool, whispering wind. Buildings lay silent yet ever watchful as centurions of the nightand offer safety to the vaunerable innhabitants within their towering walls. Shadows shift beneath pools of dull golden light emitting from lonely lamposts, reaching up into the velvet darkness. Creatures scuttle and creep through entangling hedgerows who lunge out to ensnare their prey. Yet despite all this, a soft and peaceful silence stretches over the land as the shimmering moon watches over her sleeping world. As the clouds blissully part; twinkling diamonds hang in the sky bringing hope to a dark, unsettled world. In the midst of this i stand, in love with the night...
3rd August 2009
Note: It was really hot in my room the other night so i opened the glass doors and stepped outside. Some people who know me well will know that i love the night, I'm not really scared of anything jumping out or anything. My wish is to one daybe allowed to walk for hours in the moonlight!! Seriously. Everyone thinks I'm weird when i tell them that. Like how i like walking round in the house if it's dark. Anyway so i went outside and litterally that's what i saw it like. Words just jumped and spun round my head as i looked out into the sleeping countryside. So yeh ...

Short and sweet

hello
how are you?
I'm doing fine
chitchat, chitchat
O! Would you look at the time!

hey
howz things?
okish, not great
aw what a shame
soz, gota go, it's pretty late!

hi
what's up?
nuthin much, a bit down
really? me too
dinner, gota go now

hello
let me guess...
how are you?
do you acctually care?
ir is it just a script you run through?

RAIN

pitter patter
rain's coming near
clouds grow darker
can you see them dear?

splitter splatter
on the window
drizzling down
won't come in though

I love the rain
drizzling down
in little drops
all around

drip drop
running off a leaf
it's like a race
to fall underneath

plip plop
in the puddle
watch them fall
rings make a muddle

I love the rain
drizzling down
in little drops
all around

12.12.09

Me, myself and I

a christian girl
with standards high
and strict morals
she intends to stick by

an emotional girl
with feelings deep
and a beating heart
she's trying to keep

a caring girl
with many a friend
trying to help
other's hearts to mend

a crazy girl
who loves to laugh
and mess around
it's my other half!

a hardworking girl
who tries her best
and needs someone
to tell her to rest

a TCK girl
grew up overseas
one country, one nation
will never please

this is me
all i believe
everything i am
take it or leave

1.10.09

Smile

Smile for your house
Smile for your room
you're lucky you won't
be fleeing them soon

Smile for the roof
Smile for the wall
you're lucky you even
have them at all

Smile for your mum
Smile for your dad
you're lucky for parents
that some never had

Smile for your food
Smile for your drink
you're lukc you don't
have to scavenge or think

Smile at school
Smile as you learn
you're luck you can
pay for term after term

Smile cause of him
Smile cause of her
you're lucky they won't
be gone in a blur

some people here
in this worldly mess
don't have much
live with less and less

live in a shack
of metal and board
just get by
on what they can afford

some loose family
some loose friends
no money or work
food comes to an end

so i am really
trying to say
is remember them
and be grateful for today

September 2009

To Mohamed

don't remember much
was a long time ago
but we were friends
he watched me grow

a little english girl
a little Omani boy
playing on the swing
must have been joy

he'd come to the door
ask me to play
or i'd squirt him with water
those were good days

photos of us all
sitting on the swings
dressed in uniform
smiles always brings

then we grew up
didn't play much
wasn't socially correct
separation as such

then I moved away
hardly saw him at all
in all seven years
just a handshake in the hall

i don't think either of us
really remember
a childhood long ago
but now it becomes tender

found out he died
just the other day
died in a crash
what else can i say?

now i write and cry
for a childhood friend
who i hardly know
who's life won't mend

no matter big or small
part of my life he was
now that he's gone
I feel sad just because

25.6.09

PERFECTION!

perfect hair
soft tanned skin
gorgeous dress
amazingly slim
make up exact
glistening smile
arm in arm
she struts down the aisle

magazine covers
tv shows
billboard ads
high and low
images of perfection
everywhere
images bombarded
but they bring dispair

our daily dose
of models galore
feeds jelous minds
down to the core
"if only, if only
we could be
perfect as that
if it was only me!"

are we so stupid
are we so vain?
we subject ourselves
to so much pain
all we see
looking back
is what we don't have
what we lack

stop, stay still
and look again
into that shiny
enemy and then
you will see
you truly are
beautiful
more than they are!

1.6.09

Giving it away

why do you give
away your heart
so carelessly
to be ripped appart?

why do you flaunt
you body so?
don't you care?
you're making yourself low

why did you kiss
those guilty lips?
and let his hands
stray to your hips?

you must have known
that all too soon
he'd move on
never to be your groom

so what's the point?
why do you do
all those things?
or don't you have a clue?

is it for joy?
but that won't last!
is it for love?
it's here then it's passed!

is it for popularity?
or pressure from friends?
for a feeling of accpetance?
the list never ends

what about you?
do you really need
to be passed around
with elegant speed?

you are precious
can't you see?
don't give yourself away
just be all you can be!

26.4.09

Come and go

Many have come
And many have gone
I’ve had some best friends
But never for very long

They all seem to leave
After a couple of years
And I’m left here
To shed many tears

Some keep in touch
And others forget
Email occasionally now
But I’m full of regret

We had lots of fun
Great friends of mine
Yes I miss them now
But I’ll be just fine

But when I feel
Like I’m all alone
That they’ve given up
And in the wind I’m blow

I remember I’ll never loose you
You’re here with me
Lord you’ll keep me safe
For all eternity!

18.3.09

Just smile!

Just smile
Forget the past
Make it shine
Let joy last

Your smile will
Cover you
Let it heal
Do what it has to do

Yes I’m hurt
But I’ll smile outside
And that will cover
Everything I want to hide

It may cover
All your pain
For a while
But still remain

So I tell you
Let your smile
Bring you joy
That is worthwhile

Don’t let yourself
Smile real fake
But cry beneath
Cause you will ache

But let it flow
Throughout your whole
Let it get to your heart
Body, mind and soul

And even if
You didn’t mean to
It will heal
Fix you all through

Just smile
Forget the past
Make it shine
Let joy last

18.3.09

Don't tell me!

Don't tell me
that you don't feel
a hole inside
that nothing's real,
don't tell me
that you never say
where's the meaning
in every day?
you try to fill
up that hole
with other things
to make you whole
but at the end
of a very long day
you feel the same
try as you may
you fill life up
with many friends
parties and alcohol
the list never ends
aimless relationships
that break your heart
and crazy things
that pull you apart
Then you do it
over again
cause you still have a hole
you still feel the same
it's a vicious circle
the circle of life
you can't escape
you're full of strife
Now you may think
religious freak!
I'm boring and weird
but hear me speak
I'm proud to be
who I am
I've filled my hole
better than you can!
I know you can't
quite understand
that I've believed
God hold's my hand
but when you feel
that hole in you
remember this
he wants to fill your hole and hold your hand too!!

26.3.09

God's tears

Plip plop
drip drop
God's tears
won't stop

It sprinkles down
on the ground
on the roof
pattering sound
I watch the drops
roll steadily along
my window pane
until finally gone

Plip plop
drip drop
God's tears
won't stop

why does he cryf
or you and me
for all the pain
covering land and sea
for people who die
all the time
from war and disease
or violent crime

Plip plop
drip drop
God's tears
won't stop

because he cares
and he loves
although people say
he's far above
he ISN'T far
he is right here
through our pain
and through our fear

Plip plop
drip drop
God's tears
won't stop

when it rains
in this land
symbolizes a world
cracked, dry full of sand
and the rain
symbolizes love
and God's tears
from up above

Plip plop
drip drop
God's tears
won't stop

23.3.09

When it rained the other day I suddenly had this thought. The rain is like God's tears for the hurting world. They pour down for all the pain that he sees in the world. He feels everything that we feel and it breaks his heart to see us like this!! Why can't we turn back and run into his arms?? It's also like God is flooding love onto this cracked and hurting world that so needs compassion and healing. Water is life! We can't live without water; we can't live without his love and never ending compassion!So that's what I think anyway. The mind of an emotional, deep thinker artist!! Hope it makes you think!

jUMp

I wanna jump
I wanna shout
tell the world
what you're about

what you've done
what I've seen
what's happening now
and what has been

I wanna go
to places new
tell all the people
who don't know you

let them dance
let them sing
of their great joy
that comes from the king

but i am living
my life right ehre
all my dreams
are no where near

so for now
I will keep burning
away from you
i won't be turning

i will shine
with your guiding hand
shine real bright
through MY land

i wait on the day
you send me out
to tell the world
what you're about!

19.3.09

Dedication...

I sit here now
sorrow fills me up
head is bowed
tears well up
everyone's here
thinking of you
everyone's here
everyone but YOU!

you've truly gone
never be here again
so I'll carry on
shed tears and then
I'll mourn a while
as i miss you
mix tears with smile
as i remember you too!

but this i know
you're in better care
so I'll grow and grow
till i meet you there

Written for Chevez and Tia Raju after the death of their dad

Heartbreak

don't care anymore
I hav to let go
I'm weak and sore
and i have to let go

thought I'd give you
all my heart
what i have to do
is keep us appart

i thought that it was
too good to be true
I can't take this
I fell in love with you

but i made a vow
not to do this again
I'm fullfilling it now
and ignoring the pain

so i don't care anymore
I am letting go
I'm weak and sore
and I'm going to let go!

25.2.09

Definition of LOVE...

Ok well i wrote this when i was going round asking people what
they thought was the real meaning of love. Then this was kinda
dedicated to all my amazing friends =)

People often say
love includes guy and girl
a fairytale love
true feelings unfurl

who ever says
it's always that way
maybe it's not
but think what you may

it wasn't really love
when i liked this guy
and it wasn't really love
when he walked on by

but love is how you feel
when you really care
love can heal
and it can strip you bare!

love can reach
across many a sea
love can teach
what you cannot see

friendship is love
through thick and thin
they know you above
and know you within

they accept you
for who you are
even when
you stray off afar

so i love you
you're an amazing friend
love what you do
always a smile to lend

yes love can be
between girl and guy
but as for me
i won't lie

friendship is an amazing thing
make me smile, make me sing
you mean more to me
than any guy could be

so that's love eh?
what more can i say?